booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
