its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Randomize
