its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
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