Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Vodka?
Forever.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Randomize
