I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Randomize
