definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Randomize
