my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Randomize
