bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Randomize
