Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
