i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I think people are normalizing furries
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
