wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
