i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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