i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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