I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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