I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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