Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
