she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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