she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
