i jhust puked up my retainher.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
