pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
