yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
