I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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