Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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