oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
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