my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
