My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
now i know why i became what i already was.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
