Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
