I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
