A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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