Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I wish you could order shots online.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
