Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
