after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
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