so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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