guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
