Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
