"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
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