ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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