there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
