my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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