Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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