Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
