How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
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