i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
