Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Its about making memories worth repressing
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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