i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
