So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Still dying that you shit outside
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Randomize
