I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
