What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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