oh fat girl friday strikes again...
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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