Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
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