I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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