I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
